Self-Indulgent Documentaries? -Jonathon Caouette's Tarnation

          After watching Tarnation, I was anxious to tell my roommates all about the struggles that Jonathon Caouette faced during his childhood. When I got home, I tried as hard as I could to describe the documentary. My roommate, Andrianna, did not have the same reaction that I did to the film. She wondered why a person would make a documentary about their life and she got the impression that Tarnation was self-indulgent. I was intrigued by her comment because I never even thought of Tarnation as being a self-indulgent documentary. I saw Tarnation as a self-therapy documentary because its goal was “to change the person behind the camera.”(Arthur, 866)  I believe self-therapy documentary’s goal is to help the director overcome an emotional injury rather than commercial profit. Jonathon Caouette’s film goes one step further and not only allows himself to overcome issues, but commercial exposure allows viewers to identify with Caouette’s story and also partake in a similar healing process.

            In Marsha and Devin Orgeron’s Familial Pursuits, Editorial Acts: Documentaries after the Age of Home Video, the statement, “Where Renee’s life is depicted as a haphazard collection of barely successful attempts to survive, Cauoette depicts himself as struggling to create order in the chaos of his situation” (54) stuck with me because it reminds me of my cousins trying to create order in their lives while living with a bi-polar mother. My aunt was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in 2000 and over the past ten years she has had multiple manic episodes and subsequent hospitalizations. During her manic episodes she usually leaves home and disowns her four children. While watching Tarnation, I couldn’t help but draw a parallel between my cousins and Jonathon Caouette. I feel that like Jonathon, my cousins are trying to find order to their lives amid the chaos. Two of my cousins have turned to drugs and the other two have found an outlet in filmmaking to distract themselves from the reality of their mum’s condition. In the film, when Jonathon Caouette records himself in the bathroom saying, “I love my mother so much, as fucked up as it is. I can’t escape her. She lives inside me; she’s in my hair; she’s behind my eyes; she’s under my skin” (56) reminds me of a time when my cousin Natalie told me that “she loves her mum, but sometimes it is so hard to love her.” I was teary eyed the whole time watching this film because I couldn’t help empathizing with people who try to organize their life while dealing with a mental illness in their family. 

Eleven year old Jonathon as a southern lower-class woman

My cousin, Natalie, as Gandolf from Lord of the Rings

                                   

           

         


           I feel that my cousins would be comforted by watching Jonathon Caouette’s film because they would be able to relate to his story and feel that they are not alone in their struggle to find order amid their own chaos. I myself was able to heal a bit throughout the film because my sister also has bi-polar and right now our relationship is stranded due to her illness. Tarnation allowed me to realize that there is a special bond between family members that can be stretched but never broken. At the end of Tarnation, it seemed like Jonathon’s life had a semblance of order. This sense of order gives me hope that one day my cousins will be able to have order in their lives and that my sister and I can also reconnect. I feel that the power of self-therapy documentaries is that they not only heal the director, but they also reach out and help their audiences heal as well.

Alan Berliner's Nobody's Business (December 7th--Snow Day Response)

            In Michael Renov’s article, Family Secrets, a domestic ethnography is defined as “a very particular sort of autobiography---It is always relational, a pas de deux between a self and a familiar other rather than an outright self-examination.”(57) In Nobody’s Business, Alan Berliner attempts to learn more about himself through the interrogation of his father, Oscar Berliner. Through Alan Berliner’s domestic ethnography a question arises as to whether it is a person’s birthright to know where they come from. Alan Berliner believes that family history should not be hidden because it reveals clues to an individual’s personality. During the film, Oscar Berliner refuses to divulge certain information to his son because he is trying to protect himself and Alan from painful memories.

Should we fight our parents for answers to our past or are they trying to protect us from painful experiences?

In particular, the boxing scene when Alan asks Oscar to help him make sense of the divorce reveals how Oscar is trying to protect himself and Alan from painful past experiences. Oscar shouts “Leave me alone...I’m not going to tell you anything...what are you trying to get out of me?” to Alan. The raised tone of Oscar’s voice alludes to the torment of his divorce. Alan is asking his father to divulge memories that will cause great distress to his father. At this point, I disagree with Alan Berliner’s insistence to collect information from his father. Oscar’s viewpoint on the past would help Alan to better understand where he came from, but the reminiscing will cause a certain deal of pain to Oscar. Alan is fairly insensitive in this section of the film because he should realize that he would be hurting his father through his quest for answers. Later in that scene when Oscar tells his son that “It’s nobody’s business what went on between your mother and myself”, he is clearly protecting himself and Alan. In contrast to Oscar’s lack of information, Alan’s mother, Regina Berliner is more than willing to give Alan information pertaining to her divorce. Regina’s ability to give information and Oscar’s lack of ability reveals that the divorce had a greater impact upon Oscar. Alan does not need to get Oscar to reveal certain aspects about the divorce because through Oscar’s reaction, Alan can see how the divorce affected his father.

The question of if it is a person’s birthright to know where they come from can only be answered by their family. Oscar decided for Alan that it is not important to know where you come from. I often ask my parents tough questions about their pasts and they refuse to answer me. I find that their reaction to the question reveals a lot about where I have come from. An answer to a question is not always needed because a reaction usually says all. Through the reactions of both Alan and Oscar Berliner, viewers can tell a lot about the two men’s personalities. “The pitched battle between father and son...is grounded in deep affection and an awareness of their core connectedness” (Renov, 59) and Oscar’s sheltering of Alan from past experiences (i.e. divorce) shows how Oscar is a kind and caring father.